Ten Interesting Things About Me (Who Is The Creator of EMD?)

I have come a long way since creating this website and even before that. A few years ago, I would have never guessed that I would be doing this; to write and post articles, coaching and have my own website about the things I'm passionate about. It all started very spontaneously; I did not really have a long-term vision for what I was doing at the time. Because I am quite close to reaching 100 articles at the moment, I figured it would be interesting to reveal some, rather interesting, details about me. Some of which only a few people in my personal life actually even know about. I want to be real and expose who is behind the creator of “Expanded Mind Development”. In this article, I reveal the most interesting things about myself: my upbringing, my personality, some of the most difficult hardships I've experienced and the things I care deeply for. I could have made this article a whole lot longer but I decided to just go with the flow. I hope you will enjoy reading all these juicy details about me and that they may inspire you in some way.

But first, a little snapback from waaaaay back.

Started from the bottom, now we're here. Me in 2002 at the age of 6, already 20(!) years ago (anno 2022)!! You can tell, I've always been a cutie. *obviously wearing a cute pink mini skirt during my graduation*

1. I was a very religious child until I was around 12 years of age. It was actually kind of weird because there was no actual cause or reason for why I was that way. I was not baptized and my parents are not really religious either. My father did got baptized and my mother is Muslim but she is not a strict follower of the Islam religion, if you know what I mean. I did go to a Christian school but I was probably one of few who was actually religious. So I grew up devoting myself to God and that brought me a sense of comfort. I did not have the best childhood, so I believe I was seeking guidance and help from Him so that I would feel less alone and isolated. I remember praying for my life to get better and to be saved from my pain many times as a child. I would pray before and also sometimes after dinner and generally also before going to sleep. I found hope and faith by praying and reaching out to God. According to my mother, I even wanted to become a nun at some point (yes.. a nun!). But at the age of 12, I lost my faith due to trauma and difficulties within my family life and prayers being unanswered by God.

2. I lived and grew up as a little child in a monastery. My first two homes where I lived used to be a real monestary. It used to be part of a beguinage church (as of today also called Father's Church) built in 1245 and it was rebuilt as an apartment building, still with the classic old look and interior design of the 11th century. On September 22th 1976, the church was largely destroyed by a heavy fire. After restoration, the ruin was converted into a walking park with a historical and touristic character in 1997. I lived there from 1996 until 1999. I first used to live on the 2^nd floor with my parents, until one year later we moved to the 1^st floor, which used to be a lot more spacy. The apartment on the 1^st floor where we lived was big and it actually used to be the dining room of the nuns and monks who lived there. I have in my whole life only told a few people about my first living situation but I do find it an interesting story because I know that there is no such thing as coincidences. I deeply and wholeheartedly believe that the monestary used to be my first home for a spiritual reason.

3. I have dealt with quite a few addictions during the course of my life that I have luckily and proudly all overcome by my own efforts and without professional help or third party. I went from developing an eating disorder at 13 to an addiction smoking cigarettes, marihuana, doing physical workouts and even abusing amphetamines (last two were during my ED period). I have also had some (minor) OCD behaviour since I was little but I have learned to manage it over the years. Drug abuse became part of my life mainly to suppress my feelings of hunger because of my ED (I obviously do NOT recommend abusing drugs for that or any other reason. Please seek professional help if you find yourself in a similar situation!). When it comes to my ED, I first struggled with anorexia and later boulimia, then a mixture of both for 8 years. At the age of 17, I became severely depressed and suicidal and ended up in the hospital at the emergency room, after abusing a huge amount of pain killers. I had severe liver failure and almost died according to the doctors. They were calling other hospitals for a new liver in case I needed a transplantation but then a miracle happened and I was saved, probably due to the medication they gave me and undergoing gastric suction. I then got discharged from the emergency room after spending the night and after one more day or so, I almost immediately got transferred because of doctors’ request to a psychiatric hospital for a 2-week crisis intervention and got a room at the adult department. Being there was quite hard, because I was surrounded by people much older than me (I was the youngest one there) who had serious mental issues. I was the only one from the whole department who did not stand in line to get their medication every day. There were people who (with no offense to them) were really screwed up mentally. It was almost shocking to watch. It was exactly like in those scary movies that you see on TV; complete white walls with a dull separate room for recreation, along with an equal boring dining and smoking area that had only one small window with metal bars, to avoid someone would jump out of it (which an older female patient in the smoking area told me and other inpatients she had tried, after also mentioning she purposely cut off her finger(!), as she exposed all of us her wrapped up hand covered in medical bandage). I felt like I landed some place really mad as you can imagine, with people who were actually crazy. I was still 17 at the time but I got in a few days before my 18^th birthday and spent “celebrating” my birthday there. On top of all that, I was anorexic and I refused to eat almost anything, especially the birthday cake my ex-stepmom ironically brought to the hospital on my birthday. Finally after two weeks, they requested me to go to another psychiatric hospital that has a department for people with Anorexia Nervosa. I visited the location but refused the treatment and eventually healed my obsession with food and (not) eating 3 years later by myself. I also overcame any other addiction and I am now completely 100% addiction free since several years.

4. I was told I had Borderline Personality Disorder, also known as BPD by a psychiatrist, when I was 23 years old. I never got an official diagnosis but was sent to that psychiatrist at the instance of a psychotherapist and another psychiatrist I was seeing at the time. The reason I went to this practice was because my relationship ended miserably and I was desperate to finally fix myself; what ultimately caused the break-up to end in the first place, was the use of prescription drugs. I was given a mixture of strong antidepressants and antipsychotics by my first psychiatrist, which completely screwed me over and made me numb or rather detached from my emotions. Luckily I quit using it after just one week and fair enough, it was the only time I had ever been and will ever be again, on antidepressants or antipsychotics. My relationship ended because after I quit taking them, I lost all control of myself and my emotions; those drugs were merely suppressing my feelings and quitting too fast can be dangerous or even detrimental in many cases it has been reported (it increases depression and anger outbursts and can even cause suicide/suicidal tendencies). I sincerely admit that I had real problems, dealing with my emotions, especially within (romantic) relationships etc. This all stemmed from childhood trauma where I was very much neglected; I was still severely traumatized due to what happened to me back then and had a lot of inner wounds that needed to be healed. I had very bad self-destructive behavioral patterns that would be at its worst whenever I had a partner I was in love with. Then the BPD symptoms really showed up; I would get triggered and afterwards I would be incredibly embarrassed for my behaviour and (imagined) fear or abandonment. It was not until I got out of my last serious relationship when I was 23 and after a few months also losing one of my best friends, that I was forced and had to learn to be alone by myself, physically as well as emotionally (which is often a problem with people with BPD). I then got my first real spiritual awakening and from there, things changed drastically and really fast. After 3-4 months, I transformed into a whole other, new awakened version of myself. That version of me has still been developing since then, and I continue to grow every single day into a better and more evolved version of who I am. It personally seems crazy to me how far I've come considering I ticked all the boxes of this disorder but I would definitely not qualify for the syptoms of BPD today, as I am now most definitely a very different person. It is actually becáuse of those difficult experiences that I am able to do what I do currently, which is to speak and help from personal experience.

5. I am a perfectionist at heart and I do admit that it can be quite challenging at times; hence some of the difficulties I went through in the past (read above). Things haven't always been easy for me because of it and I even hate it sometimes. Of course, being a perfectionist has its perks but I've always seen and noticed every detail about certain things, especially myself. I especially am very detail oriented I guess you could say, when it comes to my work, creativity and physical appearance. I still remember for example in elementary school often being the one who did not finish their creative project on time because I paid so much attention to making my craft beautiful and "perfect"; I even recall my school teacher pointing my attention to that, that a real artist takes their time in order to perfect something. I would also spend a ridiculous long time doing my hair every day even at that age; trying to make the perfect ponytail without any bumps showing etc. I was honestly obsessed with the way I looked and would literally spend hours getting ready, wearing a full face of make-up on an every day basis during my time in high school. It was exhausting to say the least. Luckily I am not quite like that anymore. I've come to accept myself more without putting in an exaggerated amount of time and effort into my looks and I now am even more confident. Nowadays, I actually tend to go for a natural look with minimal make-up but I am sure I will always love to dress up and look my absolute best because that is just the nature of who I am!

6. I have a true passion for metaphysics and the occult (in case you did not know already), especially astrology and quantum physics. I love everything about astrology, tarot, numerology, (quantum) science, aliens etc. I spend most days studying these things through Youtube video content and books. Particularly astrology I find quite interesting; how the stars and planets affects us as human beings I find extremely fascinating and also how free-will and determinism plays a role in that. Both western as well as vedic (Indian) astrology are very interesting to me but I am a little more devoted to the vedic system, as it overall provides more detailed and precise information. I have many books about all these subjects and enjoy reading and studying everything related to the spiritual and higher realms. However, I am a very sceptical and analytical person even though I am philosophical and spiritual in nature; I definitely do not just believe and accept everything I see or hear as truth, as I think having a mind of your own is always important in any situation or circumstance. That is also exactly why I like to research and derive information from multiple sources, to ultimately make up my own conclusions about my view of the world.

7. Since I am quite a spiritual individual, I love to not only read to acquire knowledge and information but also because it inspires and stimulates my imagination to think and dream bigger. As much as I'm a big fan of horror and even own a thick one-book collection of H.P. Lovecraft's best works, I'm a sucker for old novels (because I'm an old-fashioned hopeless romantic). It's fair to say that I just love books in general and have a whole entire collection of them, both fiction and non-fiction in all sorts of genres but to really get lost and dreamy in my own little fantasy world, I occasionally love to read about the glitter and glamour (and also less pretty part) of old Hollywood, for example. I just recently discovered a few books of Jackie Collins in a local thriftshop, a famous best-selling British novelist who already passed away, which is a great example of the kind of books I am into.

8. I am a vegetarian (practically vegan except for cheese; I love cheese too much!). I love to eat healthy vegetarian foods and could never return back to eating meat, that is for sure. I have been vegetarian now for over three years (as of 2022). It was definitely one of the best decisions I've ever made without a doubt. It just became my experience since having my awakening and am therefore very happy it happened. I now realize that when I eat a dead animal, I absorb negative energy. There is no life there, physically but also in the spiritual sense. I seem to feel lighter and just overall feel better and I have more compassion and empathy towards all living creatures now than I did before when I ate meat. When you realize that we all are one and that all life is precious, you will most likely stop eating animals. That is just the way it is, at least in my eyes.

9. I am incredibly energy sensitive. I can cry pretty easily, it is almost ridiculous (used to be much worse in the past) ánd I can cry on demand (I should be an actress, I know). I sometimes try to stop my tears from rolling down my face when I'm sad, especially in public, but sometimes I just can't help it. I do believe that being highly empathetic has a lot to do with that and also having a stellium of Pisces placements in the astrological birthchart (lol). It is a different experience, to feel, see and hear things others can not (read my three-part article on “my spiritual awakening and awakening of psychic abilities”) but it also means that you are more susceptible to sensing negative energy as well and that you can get more easily influenced by it, if you're not careful or aware. Your state of consciousness will definitely determine to what degree that is the case for you. For example, I have really come to the point where in most cases, I will immediately reject going somewhere or meet someone if for some reason, the energy feels off. Energy can simply be felt from miles away and physical distance doesn't play a role in feeling into someone's/something's energy.