My first spiritual awakening opened my eyes and awareness to greater possibilities and a much deeper understanding of life and myself as a person. After these many realizations my life started to shift drastically and rather quickly. I went through a dark night of the soul (a term that is used to refer to the difficult period most people go through after experiencing their first spiritual awakening) for a while, when I found myself all alone separated from my friend after I broke up with my ex boyfiend. It was not an easy time in my life, but I now know that those things had to happen in order for me to grow and become stronger and more spiritually aware. That first week when I had just broken off contact with my friend (let’s call him “Mike”) was the most difficult. I explained in part one of this article how depressed and devastated I felt because of all the things that had happened, first with my relationship and then with Mike. But it was after that week that things really started to change for the better for me. Because I was alone all the time I had more time to myself to do things by myself. That was the reason I started to research things and watch content online and read articles and books. I really enjoyed doing all of this and it quickly became my passion. I loved learning about how to heal myself by gaining control over my mind and how to use manifestation to create the life that I want. As I started to emerge myself more into researching and reading about these subjects, I actually began to enjoy being alone. I lost the interest to meet with friends on a daily basis or to even speak or message people often. I became quite a loner and to be completely honest I still quite am since then. However it is not like I do not want to socialize with people, it is just that I enjoy my own company because it is when I am by myself that often I am able to learn or study a lot and I am able to accomplish many of my (work) tasks. I have come to really value the time I spend by myself as I have never in my life grown so much, due to these life challenges that left me no other choice but to be by myself. It feels like the Universe had put me in that situation because if I would have pushed down that path, things would only have gone worse for me. I had to learn things the hard way so that I could evolve and become more mature, independent and successful. I slowly but surely went through a metamorphosis and became a totally different person, a new but better version of myself. Within only a few months I had healed myself from a personality disorder I was said to be struggling with by a psychiatrist. A disorder I was prescribed a mixture of antidepressants and antipsychotics for (which I only took for 7 days because it only made things worse), and was advised by a psychotherapist that I was seeing to follow a special program designed for people with the personality disorder I supposedly had.

I cured my depression and significantly improved my thinking habits by intentionally making an effort to becoming more self-conscious and shifting my awareness. I can now say that going through that spiritual awakening was the best thing that ever happened to me, yet at the same time it was also one of the most difficult things I ever went through. I was really finding out who I really am as an individual and for that process I could not be more grateful, as painful as it was. I became a better person due to everything I experienced and truly became the person I always was meant to become, and that could not have happened without some difficult hurdles along the way. From there my life started to improve regarding my outlook on life, my self-image, my relationships with other people as well as my vision for the future. I suddenly had faith again that everything would turn out well and that I was going to be okay. Before that I was in a loophole of thinking and believing that I was doomed and that I would have extreme self-sabotaging tendencies, especially in romantic relationships, for the rest of my life because of past childhood trauma. I even thought that I was unable to sustain a healthy relationship with anyone and that I might never get married or inevitably simply divorced. For years I went in and out of periods of depression and even feeling suicidal. Now three years later I can really say that I healed myself without the help of any outside source from all of that negativity and self-undoing behaviour, just by spending time by myself and going really deep within my psyche and teaching myself how to restore balance in my mind, body and spirit. Ever since that first awakening I have continuously been changing, growing and developing my consciousness. It is just a natural process that happens, but of course me having a natural interest and in my opinion also talent to understand occult knowledge and devoting my time to learning more helps. A little more than 1,5 years after my awakening happened I had my second spiritual awakening. This awakening was more intense in the physical sense, yet also spiritually but just in a different way compared to the first one. They both have changed my life forever but this one was quite different. It happened when I got into contact with an old friend and she invited me to come over to her boyfriend’s house. We were smoking marihuana, which I had not done in months at the time. I have had periods in my life where I was smoking every day for months at a time, but as you might know when you quit smoking and you then start doing it again it can hit you quite hard. That was somewhat the case for me back then. I was feeling good when I was there hanging out with these people and smoking with them, but it was not until I got home that something really significant took place.