How Perfectionism is Ruining Your Life and Self-Esteem

The person who always is least attached to a particular outcome and naturally goes more with the flow of life with full acceptance of what is and with "no strings attached", tends to be the most happy and successful in all areas of life because they knów that true emotional fulfilment lies in the appreciation of what’s present in the “here and now”. Perfectionism therefore, altough overall not particularly a bad personality trait to have but one with surely many great qualities, also has its side effects and some of them are that it can become the death of healthy self-esteem, real long-lasting success (including personal and material) and relationships of all kind because it implies that we need for things to be a certain way, whilst when we can be more general and loose with our desires, more often than not the end result will ironically be much more to our personal liking. The matter is that it truly is the belief that either something outside of ourselves or something that we believe is currently missing within us and therefore we must get in order to feel fully satisfied, is what’s keeping us stuck in a loop of looking for things that can never actually satisfy us because we’ve quite literally robbed ourselves from true fulfilment, which is only accessible in the present moment. That is, if we believe we are broken in some way or incomplete, then we will always perpetuate our own sense of well-being because we keep projecting our desired reality somewhere out in the future, while the only truth is that unless we are happy and content with where we are right now, the only moment that truly exists, is when we’ll attract that reality because we already feel whole within ourselves, now.

Perfectionism in regards to “self”

The personal need to constantly strive in order to be, do or have better can very much, and often times does sabotage one, to become better in many regards, if any present conditions are consistently dismissed or labeled as "not good enough". The reason for this we’ve already stated before but from a more indept scientific or quantum standpoint, this is because the individual perceives a constant state of lack within their awareness and therefore continues to create similar circumstances-to the current one they’re experiencing over and over again because they so much dislike or even despise where they’re at; this state of being creates a vibrational signal that goes out into the quantum field and matches with one of infinite reality probabilities, where they attract situations, conditions, people and events that match their vibration and because their vibration or point of attraction is a mismatch with their desire, they unconsciously fall victim to their own miscreation. In simple words, you can’t attract what you want if you feel bad about what you already have, whatever it is. If you want more money but you hate the amount that is currently in your bank account, it becomes very difficult to attract more; if you want your partner to treat you better but all you find is faults within them, then you will also attract more of those aspects of their character. It’s essentially the same thing with everything you want to manifest. The only way to really get toward the path of “perfection” or more of what you do want, is to essentially, acknowledge what you have and not what you don’t have, appreciate what you have and allow for more to receive (Bashar’s AAA manifestation formula). You simply must become a vibrational match to your desire, always, and the only way to do that is to follow the formula or at least be in a positive state as often as possible, be appreciative or grateful instead of dismissive of your current circumstances and expect for good things to come.

Perfectionism in the material world

Our jobs and daily work requires us to often put in substantial amounts of effort to acquire personal growth, financial stability and freedom but many times it is seen that we very easily burden ourselves with the emotional overload it brings and therefore, many people sooner or later complain of burn-out symptoms, such as stress, depression, fatigue etc; whether they put in a lot of physical effort of restrain from it due to intense feelings of overwhelm. Especially those who are workaholics are more vulnerable to overextend themselves to please not only themselves but those who depend on them in the work space or even their immediate family members, which could turn out to be very detrimental to these individuals' mental health. That’s why it’s important to address the issue of mental and/or physical overexertion because there’s no real benefit in that; in fact, such acts are significantly more likely to inhibit a person from thriving long-term in their business since the excessive importance of deliverance creates excess potential energetic wise and thus becomes the poison of what’s holding them back from realising their truest potential. Hence, the only focus must be on acting with conscious intent and balance, so that true progress can be obtained and made long-lasting; providing real value and service after all comes with a measured objective of the creative process, as well as the end goal or product. Remember also that you can only help people to the extent that you are able to help yourself, in whichever way that may be for you and so, as long as you place your own personal values and requirements first (you know what those are), the rest automatically will fall into place, if you are determined to persevere and succeed in your chosen field of profession.

Perfectionism in relationships

Perfectionism in relationships can often be seen as an individual trying to control their partner’s behaviour , often due to a lack of self-esteem; attempting to create a persona for others to “like” you better, many times for the same reason or just chasing any particular outcome in the hope to gain another’s validation of some sort etc. These are all ways perfectionism in relationships can manifest, in particular when another person is prioritized other than ourselves, and they are all detrimental in the end because a) you should always prioritize yourself first and foremost and 2) trying to control others never works out because you can’t control others; you can only control how you show up in relationships and as a result, others will react according to your vibration offering but otherwise you have no direct influence or control over others. Also, when you deviate from your own inner source (who-you-really-are, as Abraham Hicks often calls it), you never feel good and people will generally sense that and as a result, you will repel instead of drawing them closer toward you. So in true essence, there’s no benefit whatsoever in showing up differently than the real “inner you” because the people and circumstances that you attract will not align with your own inner source and for that reason, you will never truly feel happy about it.

It’s much better and recommended that you first align with your inner source or higher self and from there, all the right people will naturally be attracted to you. This really is such an important point to make because many people are unaware of this, that whenever you make any effort to “fit in” or attempt to make anyone “like” you more, all you really do is move further away from your true self and you attract all the wrong instead of the right people, who are eagerly waiting to meet you; many people actually make this mistake of “people-pleasing” and this often comes from a childhood where the child themselves felt that they had to earn the attention, love and care from their caregivers and as such, these children many times were abused and neglected and begin to unconsciously repeat this pattern of validation and also “perfection” seeking when it comes to their own behaviour in adult relationships, in order to compensate for their low sense of self-worth to get approval from others.